I originally wasn't going to publish this post, but then I remembered that I have a private blog that a whole whopping three people might read. And those three people probably know me better than anybody else, and if I can tell them all sorts of other things, then I can just suck it up and get through this too. Motivation is sometimes mean and ugly.
I'm an avoider. I avoid things I don't like or things that cause conflict. And if I can't avoid it, I just pretend it's not there. So here are some cold hard facts that normally, I would just avoid thinking about:
I weigh 238 pounds.
I wear a size 18 in jeans. A very tight 18. In fact, none of the clothes in my closet actually fit correctly except for the sweatshirt that I'm wearing to bed tonight.
I get winded walking from my car to the front door of the school where I teach when I'm hauling around my bag of stuff. And I don't park very far away either. In fact, I'm out of breath quite a bit.
I'm tired all the time.
Just lately, my knees have been bothering me.
I eat all the wrong things. I'm addicted to carbs and food that are fried.
I don't drink nearly enough water.
There. Now they're out there, and I can't pretend that those things don't exist any longer. Now they're real.
For me, this is not acceptable. This week, my goal is to just eat better. I will be starting my fat-loss code-cracking next Monday. The reason I didn't start yesterday is because this week is Taryn's first birthday party. I could probably skip the cake if it wasn't such a milestone. But since it's the very first birthday, I want to be able to be part of ALL aspects of the party... cake included :-) The first week of the program is like a detox/boot camp. It's the only week that isn't very flexible and you don't get a free food day. If I had started yesterday, then there would be no birthday cake. Maybe that's weak of me and just another form of avoidance, I'm not sure. But that's what I've decided, and I think that in the end I won't regret my decision.
The next post will have lots of good information about boot camp week! See you then :-)
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Girlfriend, it is SO very hard to admit those things...and the fact that you just did proves you are ready to get serious. It's good to acknowledge how bad things are. This will be your rock bottom...and it's time to move back up. I cannot wait to hear the details of your first week. You can do it!!!
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